A family in crisis was revealed at Monday’s NJTV In Your Neighborhood forum, “Understanding Mental Stress and Suicide Factors for Today’s Youth.” It was a timely panel for one mother who was concerned about her the daughter’s break-up and the disruptions to the distraught daughter’s education and life. The panel of experts heard the mother’s desperate appeal.
“I’m really not sure how much to do, what to do,” said the mother.
“Encourage her to go to the counseling center at the university,” said Maureen Underwood, clinical adviser for the Society for the Prevention of Teen Suicide.
“I will tell you that before losing TJ, the thought of my son missing some of high school, taking time off to get well, leaving college, would have been catastrophic. Oh, my goodness, won’t graduate on time. Guess what? If your child’s here you can figure it out,” said suicide prevention advocate Wendy Sefcik.
Sefcik told the mother that it was time to have that tough conversation about suicide. The mother asked how to open that kind of conversation.
“You can say, ‘I went to this program that NJTV sponsored and it really opened my eyes,'” said Sefcik.
The panelists said it’s not an easy subject to talk about, but there is an easy way to do it without ever having to mention the word suicide.
“And you might say, ‘I’m concerned. What I’ve heard is you sound so upset. Sometimes when people feel that way they think life isn’t worth living. I wonder if you’ve felt that.’ So, you don’t have to use the ‘s word’. You really can go around it very gently. And if she says yes, the three magic words you use are, ‘tell me more,'” said Underwood.
“And when you ask those questions, trust me, you’re not going to plant the seed. So, if she’s not feeling that way, you’re going to get a reaction like, ‘Mom, no. I never thought about going to sleep and never waking up. Like, why are you asking?'” said Maureen Brogan, program manager for Traumatic Loss Coalitions for Youth.
The panelists also discussed how parents should interview a child’s therapist or counselor and how schools should be a zone full of trusted adults for kids to consult.
“Somebody in that school has to know about the social and emotional status and functioning of every single child in that school. And if that task can’t be done in a particular school, there shouldn’t be a school,” said Dr. Stuart Green, director of the New Jersey Coalition for Bullying Awareness and Prevention.
Mental stress and suicide are sensitive topics. The panelists said they’re often talked about too late, but they hope this helps changes the conversation.
